ADDENDUM
Thoughts in Solitude
Notes I kept while working on the manuscript
“Fragments From the Stone”
I sent eight arrows from my bow
into the vast and limitless sky
destiny decrees that it’s not for me
to know where they will land or fly.
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"Then he (Thomas Merton) told me: “Once in a while you’ll find somebody to talk to
about all of this – but they are hard to find. They’re really hard to find”. – James Finley
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The wonder and mystery of trees: In the Inyo National Forest in California with its shallow, dry, unfertile soil, trees grow at a high elevation in dolomite soil just below the tree line between 5,000 and 12,000 feet. One tree growing there, a Bristlecone Pine, is said to be over 4,800 years old, and is believed to be the oldest living creature on Earth. How I wish I knew its language so I could profit from all the things it has witnessed.
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“Self-love is the form and root of all friendship. Well-ordered self-love is right and natural – so much so that the person
who hates himself sins against nature. To know and appreciate your own worth is no sin”. – St. Thomas Aquinas
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What I know or think I know about Creation:
Based upon current empirical science, our universe came into existence instantaneouslywith a Big Bang. What existed, if anything did, prior to this moment of creation is not
known; nor can it be known based upon current science. Astrophysicists are agreed based on Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity that there are alternative universes. But human science cannot determine how many, nor can it communicate with any other universe based upon current science. All life throughout the universe came into being by way of a single unique cell spoken into the void. Over eons of time this single cell by way of evolution brought forth all forms of life on planet Earth as well as throughout the universe. However, human science cannot explain by what process this cell came into being. Over evolutionary time, only one insignificant creature, a mammal, evolved to possess intelligence to such a degree that it now dominates all other creatures on planet Earth. However, current science cannot explain or confirm how this human creature came by such a unique faculty. As for the fundamental reality of Creation seen as a unique event, I now wonder if each unit of creation is a micro-image of the fundamental reality. Migjht the well-known order of the human body, for example, with its entangled cellular parts be a micro-image of the universe?
Empirical human science has brilliantly brought us to the extreme limit of what can and cannot be known about the origin of our universe, as well as the exceptionalism of the human species. The positions taken by contemporary scientists concerning the origin of creation based upon their respective disciplines, falls into two basic positions: some, stand at the window looking at the extreme limit of their knowledge as it applies to creation and are not willing to acknowledge that they can go no further. Others, looking at what appears to be insurmountable obstacles concerning what more can be accomplished by way of empirical science, stand at the same window and look with awe and wonderment at a mystery that’s beyond their grasp – and decide there's no need to go further. Perhaps a different ‘observer’ is now needed?
Present day scientists are frantically searching for a scientific explanation of everything and are haunted by the thought that there could be something more. The something more they are seeking may already have been found by mystics thousands of years before scientists decided they could go no further. I believe that our ancestral mystics, though separated from one another by tribal conlicts and religious divisions, still arrived at the same unitive and transformative place, not physical paths or quantum leaps - but by way of a shared intuitive experience of the numinous wonderment of creation.
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I’m beginning to feel like one of those dogs up ahead with its nose stuck out the window sniffing the wind for clues. And just like the vulnerable dog who eventually begins to trust the driver of the car, so also am I beginning to trust God as the driver of my life. But even so – I wish I knew where I was headed.
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The false gods we worship in our own generation are no different from the false gods the Israelites worshiped in the Sinai Desert. I wonder if their continued exile was punishment for worshiping false gods. I wonder as well if the terrible situation we are now experiencing throughout the world is a form of exile/punishment for us - because of our own idolatry?
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St. John of the Cross counseled that resignation, mortification, obedience (in doing or being the will of God), and solitude are necessary virtues for anyone who believes they are worthy of doing or being the will of God – since they know full well the gravity of their own faults and failings. Catholic guilt has come in the night to haunt my dreams about all of this. Maybe I should have listened to the Zen Master. I think I need to breathe it in and then breathe it back out into the hands of God.
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I doubt these poems will ever be published. It would take a warrior-type publisher to do it, and there aren’t many of those around these days. It would upset too many traditional Christians, outrage too many establishment politicians, and cause the economists to rend their garments. Am I Resigned? Mortified? Obedient? Or am I jousting with the windmills of temptation? Self-doubt haunts me. Maybe I should listen to the Zen Master.
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Poetry: In the beginning, I honed my craft by keeping my nose to the grinding stone of artificial forms. I followed all of the rules and morphemes of the grammarians. It was a challenge, even fun, to try to force my creative thought down the narrow throats of all those bottle forms: the sonnet, the rhymed couplets; etc. But the poetic wine that resulted was often stale and tasteless. I eventually did away with all artificial forms and let the subject matter decide how best to express itself. If an interior or regular rhyme pops up, I let it stay. If the meter skips a beat from a waltz to a mazurka, I let it skip. And if a period or a comma gets in the way, I toss it… and let the subject-matter be my guide.
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I think that my creative work, along with the creative work of others, can be likened to a touchstone. Those who read the words I write - or listen to them – can only find meaning in them based on their own life experience. And if they touch the stone of my words and find no meaning in them, then they should do what I do – move on down the gallery until they touch a stone of art that does have meaning for them.
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“Boasting is not the Spirit’s way; it is like water that quietly runs along the ground,
fills the vessels it is poured into, and always chooses to run downhill.” – Leonardo Boff
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I’ve had the troubling thought while working on this manuscript that since I’m so involved with it, I fail to recognize that it may have no merit. And a thought that troubles me even more is that it might hinder someone on their spiritual journey rather than help them. If this is so, I hope it never gets published.
The following quote tells me I am right to worry:
“I have been encouraged in knowing certainly that through my
own ability I shall say nothing worthwhile, especially in matters so
sublime and vital, and thus only the faults and mistakes of this
commentary will be mine. One will speak badly of the intimate depths
of the spirit if one does not do so with a deeply recollected soul”
– St. John of the Cross
This quote however tells me that I am wrong to worry:
“It’s not the direction that counts. It’s just being there, trusting that
you will be going where God wants you. In other words, God is with
us. Every step of the way is God-empowered love energy. But we
break down and start controlling things: “If I go this way, I’m going
to get lost. Well, what if it’s wrong? What will happen to me?”
Well, what will happen to you? Something will happen. But guess what?
Something’s going to happen whether or not you go; that’s the whole
point of life. It’s all about love.” – Ilia Delio
But this quote tells me that I should simply forget about worrying:
“Going deep. What are the signs that we are going deep? Undergoing
the via positiva, being struck with awe and wonder, joy and delight
in life; the via negativa, both silence and suffering and heartbreak;
the via creativa, our creativity; and the via transformativa; our passion
for justice and healing, celebration and compassion. Here lie the
recesses of our existence”. - Matthew Fox
Very confusing. Again – perhaps I should simply breathe it in and then breathe it back into the hands of God.
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If I stand mindless in front of the windows of Faith, Hope, and Love
and look out at the suffering world with indifference in my heart
- I sin against God and Nature.
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I used to think that all the rejection slips I’ve received meant I was a failure. Perhaps they might mean instead that I’m on the right track...?
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“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who would build it.” – Psalm 127:1-
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There are many paths that lead to the top of Mt Carmel, paths that start out from vastly different religious and cultural traditions. But all the wayfarers – no matter what path they might be on – arrive at the same unifying moment at the top of Mt. Carmel to discover that there is nothing – no thing – nada – rien de rien - at the top of Mt Carmel. Those who arrive at this transformative moment are astonished to discover that we are all members of the same spiritual family despite our inter-locking cultural and religious differences, and that God’s Presence shines forth from all of us despite our brokenness.
It is with this same understanding that I know, my heart broken by the knowledge, that all people at heart are good. Their goodness, however, constantly struggles for expression because of all the barriers erected to silence it. I naively think that if by some magical process the good people of all our conflicting cultures could come together that decisions could be reached for the common good that governments, politics, religions, and toxic economics are incapable of achieving.
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The Great Seal of the United States
God favors our undertaking
as we create a new order of
ONE
out of many.
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The world is not flat. It’s round like a child’s ball floating in a vast and extremely cold sea of darkness. Life on this tiny speck of a ball is protected from the surrounding sea of darkness and death, by only a shimmering thin shell of atmosphere; impossibly thin and impossibly vulnerable when measured against the vast un-ending expanse of space that surrounds it. Why then does this one exceptional form of life on this vulnerable little ball of Earth with its unique intelligence continue to do stupid and dangerous things? Why does it do things knowing that what it does is destroying the environment that all life on Earth depends on in order to live? If we decide to dance with the devil (our ego-centered self), then we should not be surprised by what happens when the music stops.
In our non-intelligent and mindless rush to open questionable doors, we've allowed toxic stuff to enter - things like hate speech on social media, the glorification of drugs in popular songs, sex-obsessed narratives in books, on TV, in advertisements, and in films. Our modus operandi seems to be greed, self-empowerment protected by a phalanx of un-regulated guns., and a trans-actional ‘What’s in it for me?’. I don't own a gun - and the only things I want to shoot are the flowers in my garden with my camera.
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Eckhart’s concept of ‘sunder wurumbe’ (Middle High German: to act without a why or a wherefore):
“You should perform all your deeds without whys and wherefores. I say in truth
as long as you perform your deeds for the sake of the kingdom of heaven or god
or your eternal salvation, in other words for any external reason, things are not truly
well with you. The person who seeks for God without a way will find Him, as he
is in Himself, and such a son lives with the Son and He is life itself. Life is lived
for its own sake and emanates from its own sources, hence it is lived entirely
without whys or wherefores – because it lives for itself.”
I read this passage several years ago in Matthew Fox’s book about Meister Eckhart. I think that it is only now that I am engaged in this present work that I am beginning to understand that doing the will of God is different from being a part of the will of God. All ‘why’s’ and all ‘wherefores’ must be left behind.
It is easy to allow our ego to blind our eyes concerning the troubled history of fundamental religions. Only now is the Roman Catholic Church, for example, coming to the realization that when it set out to do the will of God (as they determined it), they committed crimes against the humanity of the indigenous tribes of both North and South America that could not possibly be in line with the will of God. This was the same determination that the Church made when it sent its missionaries with a bible in one hand and a gun in the other, to convert the peoples of the Far East whose spiritual relationship with their Creator Being in some cases pre-dated our own. What the Church did in an active and external way in its relations with the indigenous people of the New World remains a stain that dishonors the pristine message of Jesus of Nazareth. Eckhart’s statement that “life is lived for its own sake and emanates from its own source” was prophetic. Doing things “for an external reason” in the belief that it’s being done in conformity with the will of God, does indeed result in “things not being well with you”.
I think that Pope Francis, although constrained by the machinations of a cabal of conservative Bishops and Cardinals, is doing what he can to make amends. Should not the rest of us also be encouraged to do what we can to improve the lives of the indigenous peoples of the world?
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How do you go forward with your gifts when every door you knock on is hung with the sign: No Entry? How do you leave with your gifts when every door available to is marked: No Exit? I am forced against common sense and reason to believe that beyond this dark impasse some mystical way of going forward exists that I know nothing about.
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Concerning the darkness of the night: TM’s epilogue to his book, “The Sign of Jonas” is a powerful answer to the perennial question: “Watchman, what of the night?” St. John of the Cross also saw the light of God’s presence shining brightly in the darkness, his ‘house being now at rest’. Our necessary human consciousness that guides us during the light of day is of little use to us during the darkest moments of our lives; only the Divine Consciousness of God that always shines in our darkest moments can guide and sustain us as we keep watch during the dark night of our soul.
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"Freedom is about choices, one of which is the freedom to choose less rather than more.
It’s about choosing time for people and ideas and self-growth – rather than for maintenance
and guarding and possessing and cleaning. Simple living is about moving through life rather
lightly delighting in the plain and the subtle. It is about poetry and dance, song and art, music
and grace. It is about optimism and humor, gratitude, and appreciation. It is about embracing
life with wide-open arms. It’s about living and giving – with no strings attached.”
- Sister Jose Hobday; Native American and Franciscan nun.
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The message is more important than the messenger
If you meet the buddha along the way kill him
It is consummated. The seed must die
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Among the many apocryphal stories told about St. Teresa of Avila, the one about shaking her fist at God, strikes me as probably true, because it’s consistent with her personal and loving relationship with God as she relates in her writings. There are many versions of this alleged incident. One of the stories goes like this:
On her many journeys between her foundations, St. Teresa sometimes rode on the back of a donkey along the muddy by-roads of Spain. On one of those trips to Burgos, she and her party encountered a violent thunderstorm. Suddenly, there was a burst of thunder accompanied by a gust of wind and heavy rain. Her donkey bolted and sent her flying into a muddy pool of water. She allegedly looked up into the stormy sky and shook her fist at God, and shouted, “If this is how you treat your friends, I wouldn’t want to be one of your enemies!”
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The fortunetellers of our economy as well as the soothsayers of the publishing world read the daily forecast from the WSJ like housewives read the family wash, looking for signs. The image consultants of Ayn Rand’s economy preach the gospel of personal branding, i.e., how vitally important it is to take control of how others perceive you, because if you don’t, others will step in and take control of your potential. We now know how this gospel of personal branding has been exploited on Facebook, Twitter, and the other social environments to the detriment of the common good.
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“We must learn how to be mentally silent, we must cultivate the art of pure receptivity
…the individual must learn to decondition himself, must be able to cut holes in the fence
of verbalized symbols that hem him in”. - Aldous Huxley
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The metaphor of the ‘mountain’, the ‘pinnacle’, and the remembered ‘valley far below’ has drifted away. It no longer matters. I no longer indulge myself in fanciful metaphors of metaphysical ‘mountains’, or spend time wondering where I am. The paradox remains. The mystery of ‘nothingness’ overshadows the place where I now am. It is a place that is a no-place place, reached by a way that is a no-way way. And as I wait in this this no-place place I’m beginning to understand the paradoxical truth and beauty of The Heart Sutra.
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“The shame of your youth you shall forget. My Love shall never fall away from you”.
- Isaiah: 54:4 – 10.
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The foundation of the building gets no praise. It’s the upper levels that gets the attention.
Sometimes, we create enemies in our upper level that do not exist. Sometimes, the result
of pour hauteur, we erect barriers against others - -only to discover that the phantom enemy
we fear is our self.
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"Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will come back in
another form". – Franz Kafka.
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“And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end,
and much study is a weariness of the flesh”. – Ecclesiastes.
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We are all called to do heroic things. However, most of us think that heroic acts are the work of iconic figures like Odysseus, Martin Luther, or saints like Francis of Assisi.
Not so. In our own uneventful life and within the small circle of family and friends, there are occasions when we can turn on a small light of hope in some one’s life of darkness by simply taking the time to reach out. There’s a spark of goodness (Godness) in all of us, including the worst of us - that constantly struggles to reveal itself.
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While reading Pauli Nouwen’s inspiring book, The Prodigal Son, I wondered if the story
told by Jesus was based on his own life. If so, it makes me feel closer to Jesus, since
I am also a prodigal son.
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“Glory to the world
that great teacher
only one question
how to love the world
Pay attention!
be astonished!
share your astonishment!”
- From a poem by Mary Oliver.
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Be still
be silent
tend your garden
…and know
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When I was young, I thought problems could be solved using common sense.
I now know that at times our behavior in relation to our problems makes no sense
and may even contribute to them.
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A ship at rest in a safe harbor needs to be weaned from its anchor
before it can set sail and challenge the dangers of the sea.
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The Seven Deadly C’s
(According to Richard Rohr)
COMPARE
COMPETE
CONFLICT
CONSPIRE
CONDEMN
CRUCIFY
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'There came a time of reckoning with the Orthodox,
and yet as well a growing understanding of the Heterodox".
- (Deuteronomy 32:34-35)
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All conceptions are immaculate.
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Shortly before his death, Leo Tolstoy wrote the following brief summation about his discovery of true happiness: “Through all of my experiences in life so far, I feel like I’ve discovered what truly brings happiness. A quiet, peaceful life in the countryside, where I can help the people around me who may need assistance and aren’t used to receiving it. Work that feels meaningful and contributes something of value, time spent appreciating nature, books, and caring for my neighbors – that’s my vision of true happiness. And having a partner to share it all with, and maybe children too, - what more could a man want from life?”
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Immigration
Those of us who live in the prosperous countries of the world routinely do not ask the right questions concerning the massive surge of immigration now impacting our borders. We don’t ask, for example, why so many people from third-world countries of the world are willing to leave their country, family, friends, and culture in a desperate attempt to find shelter and opportunity in a foreign land. It seems we are only concerned with our own self-interest and build walls, enact draconian laws, and fortify our borders with guns and soldiers to stem the tide. They come to our borders with all they possess on their backs, in the same way that our ancestors came, seeking the same bright, shining city on the hill. They come wave after wave, like our ancestors did, to escape the injustice of religious and political intolerance, aristocratic privilege, and systemic poverty back home.
It’s true that our borders need to be humanely regulated. But at the same time, we know what needs to be done to help stem the tide of this humanitarian disaster. As a national policy, we should join hands with the other developed countries of the world and agree to invest our capital, our know-how, and our compassion in sowing seeds of reform and economic opportunity in these third-world countries that are rife with greed, corruption, and economic injustice. In time, hope would become localized, and the poorest of the poor would begin to prosper.
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I just finished reading Gustavo Gutierrez’s book, “A Theology of Liberation”. In the introduction he wrote, “My book is a love letter to God, to the Church, and to the people to which I belong. Love remains alive but grows deeper and changes the manner of expression.” As a layman, this book may have been beyond my depth; but Fr. Gutierrez’s deep passion for the poor of Latin America, its long history of oppression, and the current response of the Bishops of Latin America in relation to the urgent need was still informative. Pope Francis was one of those Bishops, and I think he has centered his papacy based on his personal experience of having ministered to the impoverished poor of Latin America. So, his outreach to the poor of the world and their liberation is well grounded.
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I think we humans are the elephants in the delicate, cohesive and beautiful playground
of the universe. When we finally grow up, maybe we’ll learn how to play in this beautiful
playground of the Lord.
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“ If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you’re still a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.”
- Kurt Vonnegut
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Advice to young poets from poet, Zaina Alsous:
“What I’m trying to say is no one gives a fuck about your poems – but write them anyway.”
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“The ground of the individual soul is akin to the divine Ground of all existence
…what is the ultimate nature of good and evil, and what is the true purpose and
end of life? The answers to these questions will be given largely in the words
of that most surprising product of the English eighteenth century, William Law…
a man who a master of English prose was also one of the most interesting thinkers
of his period; he is also one of the most endearingly saintly figures in the whole
history of Anglicanism.”
– Aldous Huxley, The Perennial Philosophy
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I now know that the locutor of my soul is unknowable.
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I think it’s better to be Church rather than sit in one.
I think it’s better to become a prayer rather than say one.
+ + +
The Robert's Supreme Court by way of its biased and politicized
justices, has put an indelible stain on the honor and rectitude of
the United States Supreme Court.
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The New World Order
The shirt I wear was made in Malaysia
Workers in Hong Kong put together my pants
My underwear and socks were loomed in China
My Easy-On shoes were designed in California
but manufactured in Vietnam
My hearing aids were made in Denmark
My eyeglasses are from Italy
The watch I wear is from Switzerland
And the car I drive is from Japan.
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The consequences of the of the Dark Night of the Soul are of
small importance… only the Dark Night is important.
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